Singles – “Don’t allow ONE DAY to derail your entire YEAR!

There are actually a couple versions of the origins of Valentine’s Day. It is documented in history as having begun as a pagan celebration, therefore indicating that Valentine's Day and its symbols are rooted in the worship of false gods; considered to have no Biblical basis, yet, somehow turned into a romantic holiday celebrated by all.


Valentine’s Day comes and goes each year…and each year I watch singles digress emotionally as they struggle how they should spend this ONE DAY.  Most have somehow convinced themselves that if they don’t have someone to share Valentine’s Day with, that it in some way means they are devalued, alone and destitute.   As a single (divorcee), because I care for people, and dislike seeing single individuals self- destruct and so desperate on this ONE DAY – crying, getting depressed, compromising their morals – I hereby decree that you, “STOP allowing ONE DAY to derail your entire Year!”  Please stop! There is so much more to life than this ONE DAY!

Instead, let’s take a brief look at what this day really represents. So, how did become a Romantic Holiday?

There are actually a couple versions of the origins of Valentine’s Day.  It is documented in history as having begun as a pagan celebration, therefore indicating that Valentine’s Day and its symbols are rooted in the worship of false gods; considered to have no Biblical basis, yet, somehow turned into a romantic holiday celebrated by all.

Another version of belief is that St. Valentine, for whom this holiday is of course named, was an actual historical figure. He was a Roman physician who was also a Christian priest during the days of the early church.  This was at a time when Christians saw tremendous persecution and many practiced in secret. There are even many different versions of this belief as well, as, one version, has it that Valentine was so loved by the children of the town that they would constantly write him notes speaking of their affection–hence the origin of exchanging valentines.

In another version of the story of St. Valentine, it is said that he was working to heal a blind boy and was arrested by Roman soldiers for his work as an “undercover priest”.  Valentine is shortly thereafter sentenced to die. And yet before he is taken off to be executed, he takes the time to write to the little blind boy a note explaining to him Jesus’ love, enclosing a small treat.  According to this story, when the boy eats the treat his eyesight is miraculously restored, and he is able to see well enough to read Valentine’s note–which is, of course, at the exact same moment that Valentine is executed.

I could give hundreds more versions of history, legends and beliefs believed to be both spiritual and/or pagan, but eventually THIS DAY evolved into a day of exchange and romance.

Whatever our beliefs, the world in which we live in celebrates this day focused on it being a Romantic Holiday.  In fact, in 2015, US News reported that Valentine’s Day retail spending was expected to reach a record $18.9 billion.  In my opinion, this big industry puts pressure on us as singles (mostly through effective advertising) to feel as though we are left out or missing something if we don’t receive gifts in the form of candy, flowers and dinner or have the experience of romance on THIS ONE DAY of the year.

The truth is that singles get caught up in all the hype, and regardless of the origin, allow this to derail their lives…creating feelings and emotions that cause untruths and wrong perceptions to surface about what romantic life should be.  And so you begin to tell yourself, “I’m missing out on something”; “No one cares for me” and more.  You can’t allow these lies and limiting beliefs from this ONE DAY of the year to totally affect the rest of your year or your life for that matter! 

First of all, when we feel that we are “less than” because we don’t have a romantic interest in our lives, it indicates that we don’t see our own value.  Please hear me loud and clear!  You do not need another individual to complete you.  You are a whole, complete, unique individual who is made in the very image of God!   There is no one else like you and you need to start accepting the value that God has placed in you.  No amount of romantic interest, flowers, candy, dinner or compromise will make you feel the value that God has given you. You must open up your eyes and begin to see yourself fearfully, wonderfully and uniquely made the way God intended for you to be. If you devalue yourself, you will feel devalued.   The Bible tells us in Proverbs 23:7 (NKJV) For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.    If you think you need a man or a woman to complete you, you will never see that you are already complete.  Now, we all have to do a bit of personal work, break some bad habits, try some new things, adjust and change, but that’s just enhancing the life we have been given and adds value to who we already are.  You must be on a journey to build yourself up with positive thoughts; rather than the negative thoughts, beliefs and self -imposed false expectations that pushes you into a downward, emotional spiral.

The upside to all of this is knowing that God created us and wired us for relationships. So, having a healthy relationship is great. We’re made to go through life together with others. The Bible says in Romans 12:5, “Christ makes us one body and individuals who are connected to each other.” Because of this, it’s more important to work toward having healthy relationships EVERY DAY of the year, rather than creating something unhealthy that ONE DAY.

Learning how to have healthy relationships is vitally important.  And many of us want healthy relationships when we are not healthy ourselves.   Unfortunately, we’re not really taught how to have healthy relationships.  Did you take a class on this in school?  Have you ever wondered why relationships fall apart? Why do relationships go bad? What destroys relationships and how do you rebuild? What causes that disconnect? We all really have a lot to learn!

You can be assured that if you force something that’s not established right or in a healthy matter to meet the criteria of romance for that ONE DAY that it’s most likely not going to be built right!

So, let’s put you on a new path, starting with changing your perspective –  begin to look at yourself differently – as whole, complete and valuable!  When you begin to know your true value, you won’t compromise and allow yourself to be put in the position to think that you are “less than”.  The bottom line is this, spend time valuing who God created you to be! 

Okay, just a few pointers to begin your new journey:

  • Know who you are
  • Love and value yourself
  • Heal from the past, if needed
  • Seek counsel
  • Find a good support system – family, friends – those you can trust!
  • Let God heal you in His time in your hidden places
  • Forgive
  • Prepare for YOUR Future

But the overall point is this…. on Valentine’s Day:

Love and value yourself!

Then, go out and buy your own candy; exchange cards with friends and family; go to the spa; watch a movie you enjoy; read a book; bake a cake – eat a special cupcake!  Go visit a nursing home, take a meal to someone in need; make a difference in the life of someone else….


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Dr. Renee Fowler is a Senior pastor, Community Leader/Advocate, Best Selling author, International speaker, Single Mother, Strategist (life/crisis/church), business executive, entrepreneur, sorority member, Founder of The Life Empowerment Training and Development Institute, CEO of InSight Consulting and Founder of Rachel's House (transitional living for women and families in crisis), Women of Influence, Inc. and Destiny Empowerment Enterprises, Inc. You can also watch her weekly on #drReneeSpeaks (click on emPOWERmentTV). After a successful corporate career, she successfully transitioned into the faith based and nonprofit sectors, while still pursuing entrepreneurship, as well as, sitting on numerous community boards. Overcoming many trials and a life altering scandal, she has used her difficulties as fuel to propel her to greater purpose in which she has developed creative and life changing systems, messages and tools that promote how to bounce back and live a victorious life! Dr. Renee is passionate about equipping people to fulfill their greatest purpose.